just talked to him again.
i guess...online, you can sound all hunkydory. but really, you just feel quite screwedup.
be it on blogs or msn.
grrsh. time to push stuff to the back of my mind again. not gonna think. nopenope.
to you: you said that it was for the best. so please be happy. or you'll make my resolve to at least appear to be fine crumble. yup take care.
its the little things i miss. sigh.
tonyrichproject- nobody knows it but me
..posted at 10:54 AM
Friday, July 30, 2004
hmm. lit day. lotsa people ponned... but it wasnt too bad lah. laughed a lot at the skits... then had arts fac chocolate buffet. erm... pseudo chocolate buffet. haha. too bad for those ponners... no chocolate for you! grrsh i'm really gonna get fat soon...bleargh.
talking to yuanzai. =]
yuanzai says: i not expert at these but if you need me, erm u can call, or i can cab...to the far away lands
haha. so sweet. =]
sigh. he was online too. thank goodness for the computer screens between us. hmm... yup but i'll be fine. need to stop thinking about stuff. dont wanna lose him as a friend... haha he'll probably read this so...toyou: heard that?? =] miss you.
anyway.
to marns: hey...cheer up k... whatever happens, my soft rolypoly tummy and i will always be here for you to hug. =]
..posted at 8:31 PM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
school was quite hard for me in the morning... kept thinking about stuff. went for katong laksa with chuin and mel, at hollandv... sigh. owells nvm. yup...then came back to sch, went to library and surprise surprise, janahan was there too. haha. ended up ponning math lect... school's good. made me feel better at the end of the day. did cip with jonny, mok and mark. quite productive i guess... did math remedial exercise k! dont play play. haha. luckily jonny was there cos didnt know how to do some. hmm yah...walked home and on the way, met weiming coming towards me from school. and he walked me home...bought me a pint of ben&jerry's and made me eat. to cheer me up apparently. hmm... and janahan bought me chocolate too... dammit i'm gonna grow fat. hmm...=]
to jonny- thanks for all your "ehh cheer up lahh..." msgs hahaha. even though not super helpful but yah, guess you're quite a nice person to tell things to. you still owe me lunch btw. hmm.
to kaiting- aiyah you can read my mind lah you know what i'm gonna say haha. sorry i'm still unable to see him as you see him... dont worry though i'll be fine. =]
to weiming- my big bro. =]
to janahan- dunno what to say....go read what i wrote in the mr men book again. =]
to chuin- coming to you when i'm sad always helps... you seem to have a calming effect heh. love you.
to ben- my clandestine. i'll try not to tear too much, so you wont be upset too k. hugs.
to tiff, huimin, geri, dexuan, max, brendan, mel, clara, marns, joel, hadri, tim, edwin, yuqing, sarah- thanks for listening, for caring, and for just being there.
gonna sleep. nights.
..posted at 11:26 PM
4 months, 5 days.
and it's over.
still, whatever you all say, i dont think he's a bastard.
..posted at 7:01 AM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
training yesterday. was raining, so trained in the squash courts instead. theres something about an indoor court that makes training more enjoyable. owells.
then went to watch jonny and mok perform in town...the tapestry thingie.
jonny and mok...=]
today. had cip in the early early morning. became breakfast for the mosquitoes. hmm.
i'm really tired of everything. had a nice long talk with weiming and max yesterday, though weiming got quite drunk and him and gang wanted to troop over to my place to cheer me up. at midnight.
weiming: "we are at holland all set to go!! anything for our lil sis!"
nuts hahaha. =]
hmm seems like nowadays theres lotsa unhappy people around...owells.
to all who tried to advise me, cheer me up, made me smile and who cared for me, thanks. =]
these include kaiting (duh of course), yuqing, sarah, ailin, yvette, tiffany, chuin, joel, janahan, tim, hadri, brendan, max, junyuan, jonny, weiming... love you all =]
cos all of the stars are fading away
..posted at 1:21 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
stayed up last night and finally finished pw. somewhat, at least. jonny and junyuan were a great help. they rock my socks mannn... and now the file's safely handed up. though not our best work, but at least its handed in. owells. got a lift from max and came home to crash. slept till after dinner, which means i skipped dinner again hehe. one meal a day rocks. save money, lose weight, die. =] haha ok a little morbid. bleargh.
things always seem to change drastically nowadays. one minute you're damn close to someone, the next you feel like strangers. once something was the biggest part of your life, and now it's just one drag. one day proves to be one of the happiest days, but by the end of the day, something happens and you feel like destroying yourself. one night you sit by the window and cry all alone, the next morning you feel cheery and hyper. and one moment you really hate someone, hate yourself, hate everything, but the next, you just want to forget and let things go back to the way they were.
don't i seem melancholy. heh.
dunno lah. rather confused. quite bad to be an arts student, you always find ways to argue with yourself. the "however.." always comes in. like for example, i should start eating as per normal. however, i don't really feel like eating nowadays. but however again, not eating makes me weak and like, unhealthy, and i can't train well, can't do work, can't do much. however, do i even care for training. do i really feel that weak anyway. however, this may lead to anorexia and i'll get so skinny and die. however i may just slim down and not be the fat me that i am now and not die. however...hahahahaha ok whatever i'm not making much sense. thats just a lousy example but you get what i mean. =]
yup so my point is, i have a lot of stuff to think about nowadays. however, i can push these out of my mind and be happy. however, somehow they just keep coming back. and i really should stop this however thing. hahaha. erghhhhh. i'm going crazy!
it must be the lack of sleep.
but anyway. there's training tmr. i've got the blues.
talking to junyuan. he's telling me stories and making me like, reflect. haha aww he's growing up. getting more mature and stuff. =]
hmm. some interesting stuff to take note of today actually. several people trust me a lot haha. one after another, they come up and tell me "hey i got something to tell you but you really cannot tell anyone. really really really. not anyone in the world!" hahahaha so now i'm like secret-filled. whoaaa.
i really dont know what to do about someone. i'm a lousy advisor. i feel useless. kinda wanna ask someone else about it, talk to him and stuff, like last time, but yah currently thats rather impossible.
and about that someone else, i dont know what to do about him either. dammit.
oooh had a nice day with hadri yesterday in town. ponned othello and left early early. went to kino and popular and looked at all the cool childrens books! we liked "diary of a worm" haha. i could have stayed there forever lah. i wanna like turn back the clock and be a little kid again and read enid blyton and mr men.
speaking of which, i bought janahan a "mr skinny" book.
it feels nice to be nice. =]
ehh think i'm quite incoherent today.
i wanna watch jonny's performance on saturday!!! and well, someone's too. sigh.
BUT. there will be. training.
grrsh.
ahh nvm see how lah.
love seeketh only self to please to bind another to its delight joys in another's loss of ease and builds a hell in heaven's despite.
=[
..posted at 9:59 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2004
hmm yesterday was the quiksilver beachvball thingie... damn fun! hahaa. though it was like, rainy in the morning and scorching hot later on...
my team...kaiting, me, jonny and mok. =] we won our first match, 15-nil! hahaha. walkover. owells. so we were rather happy...but then after awhile we got quite sianded cos our next game was a long long time later. yup and before we started the matches, we decided to psyche up!!! and drew on jonny's back. hahaha.
damn chio right haha. but that idiot didnt wanna take off his shirt when we played so no one could admire our handiwork. and we wrote "PSYCHE UP!" on his hand too. at least that could be seen. hehe. won our next 3 matches with each of us having power serves and jonny's power dives and mok's power spikes and kaiting's power sets and uni's power standing-around. haha so yup, we progressed into the quarter finals! the other 2 teams lost a match and couldnt though...so its our job to win that 600 bucks for them hehe.
esther's team...with charmain, yong en and shawn. anyway, i had to leave for my piano concert which i screwed up, so couldnt play the quarter finals. esther took my place, and they played damn well according to junyuan, our coach. haha. with mok's monster blocks and spikes, and jonny's impeccable dives. apparently they were damn psyched up too! haha but too bad the team against them was the one with that power hc j1 so we lost. owells. all in all, it was damn fun lah. really like this bunch of people. they're infectiously crazy hahaha. and its damn fun to laugh at them too! hahaaa. =]
weiming, renyu, charmain, zhangyuan, me, kaiting, yong en, jonny, mok, shawn, grace, peiyi and esther.
the rjbeachvball team! =]
..posted at 9:26 AM
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
more beach photos! =]
kaiting and me.
kaiting, charmain and me.
kaiting, me, grace, peiyi
super cute baby we met on the beach!!!
haha damnnn cute...
kt and me with him...=]
hmm at the harbour front bus stop on the way home, i met this girl who looked like melissa tan. so i was like staring and staring at her then she stared back at me, then she was like, "ehh??? hello!!" and i was like "wow you look so different now i almost didnt recognize you!" then she asked her friend "hey dont you remember her?" and that was when i suspected something was a little wrong. and then it suddenly dawned on both of us that we both recognized the wrong person. blearghh. how embarrassing. hahaa owells.
happy day! =]
..posted at 10:42 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
beached today...haha damn fun! with weiming, jonny and mok. =] went palawan early early in the morning after having breakfast at the food centre... according to weiming, the roti prata i had for breakfast was gonna make me fat. =[ bleah. but anyway, we went there so early that there were hardly anybody...played at some secluded vball court in the corner...
and played 2-on-2 for awhile...got quite hot but not hot enough to spf ourselves. yup then we got bored and wanted to challenge some people but there werent many people around. owells...walked over to siloso beach despite charmain telling us that there was a competition going on there. there were manymanymany people there...haha we took a court and continued our little 2-on-2 game. then some angmohs challenged us! whoaaa hahaa so of course we accepted it. they were not bad lah...hmm and THEN it started drizzling. then raining. then pouring. and i was freezing like mad and we were all soaked to the bone and rain was running down our faces and STILL we continued playing! see how seriously we take the challenge. hahahaha. we were like the only ones playing lah. everyone else hid under the shelter. and my bag was freaking wet too. but it was fun haha. but absolutely, totally WET!!!! argh. played till the rain stopped and then the competition started so we had to leave and go back to palawan. hmm...before that though, we decided to go toilet which was damn damn damn far away and since it rained, it was like damn muddy at some parts. and stupid weiming kept pushing me into the mud! ew! grrrrsh. hmm and then we took this before we went back to palawan...
thats jonny, weiming and me. =] hmm walked back to palawan barefoot since our feet were sandy anyway...boy was that a bad bad baaaaad decision. had to like, walk on the gravelly rocky road and it was SUPER pain! i was dying. my feet are permanently scarred for life haha. and the extent of the pain was soooooo bad that weiming became like this...
hahahahahaha. our poor poor feet. when we reached palawan, there were manymany people there already. since it was like lunchtime. and the courts were taken up. so we decided to have lunch. of which i bought manymany food! nasi lemak, paus...
mashed potato and a pretty pretty pink doughnut! haha its raspberry. dammit i ate so much. really getting fat man. =[ sat on these canoe-y chair thingies to have lunch.
haha mok was really enjoying his maggi mashed potato. hahaha. after eating, weiming and jonny wanted to..er....exercise. so we went over to the fitness corner and they did some pullups. sheeeeesh.
after that vigorous (ahem) exercise, we saw that those pple were still taking up the courts so we couldnt go play. bleargh. wanted to go challenge them but there was like whole big groups of them so we couldnt. played ourselves without the court on the sand for awhile and then the guys decided to go and play waterpolo. or watervolleyball. or whatever. in the sea. so off went their shirts and splash went their bodies into the murky water. and i didnt wanna get all wet again so all i did was stand in the water till my knees. with my camera in hand. muahaha.
hahahaha no idea what they were doing. hiding from me and my cam i suppose. look quite gay right. hahaahaa.
mok, jonny and weiming. haha. hmm then after THAT, we finally went to challenge a group of people. they were quite good...but we were quite good too! haha. played like 2 or 3 sets with them then played with another bunch which was quite sad. my contact dieded so had to go fix it and weiming went with me. so when we came back, there was a game in full swing with jonny and mok joining those strangers who can't really play haha. and weiming buried my feet in sand. -___- then we joined in again and played some more. and weiming dived! wow! hahaha. so did jonny. i did partial-dives. hahaa. eh not bad already k! and stupid weiming kept kicking sand at me! then after that all three of them kicked sand at me! damn bad. =[ yah then it was quite late already so we showered and took the bus back to harbourfront and went our separate ways home. BUT thats not the end of my day. see, weiming and i both took 61 home together. and we took the wrong side. and its all weiming's fault cos he didnt ask the driver when we boarded the bus! and then we got off far far away and crossed the road and got on the right bus and i fell asleep. weiming wasnt supposed to fall asleep but he did. grrrr he was supposed to keep awake so as to not miss the stop. but anyway we didnt miss the stop. hehe. =p yup it was a damn fun day though there were only 4 of us. damnnnnnn tired now though. wednesday's beachtime again. with all the rest. fun fun...=]
..posted at 8:33 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004
went to watch mean girls with hadri tim janahan joash kennethteo marns mel chuin and clara...thats like almost half the class. =] was damn fun...the show's quite funny. those girls are really really mean man...but i know some pretty mean ones myself so owells. haha. then after that we all went our separate ways... joash is mama's boy so must go early haha. kenneth also had to go the rest went off too for various reasons...hmm so me hadri and tim were left and we walked arnd trying to windowshop. quite fruitful lah...=] and we had a really interesting conversation! abt...ahem...erm...guys. yes. i shall not say more hahaha.
came and found out that my mum bought the 5-in-1 thing. like u can curl, crimp, straighten, dunno what else to your hair. kinda works lah but it takes freaking long to heat up and do...shall try it soon. =]
beaching tmr...hope i dont get burnt. to quote kt, if not i'll become a peeling pea. bleargh.
..posted at 10:46 PM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
i wanna hold a pretty umbrella
and totter off the top of the uob building
then float down with the breeze around me
kinda like mary poppins
except that i'll land splat
on the ground
and all that will remain
is my pretty umbrella. =]
..posted at 11:16 PM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
cts are over...supposed to have this huge sense of relief but now kinda worried abt next week when results are coming out. bleargh. sucks.
was kinda high for a period of time yesterday though...from lunch till after the lit paper haha. math was actually doable but i just couldnt get the stupid answers. so i'm kinda dead lah owells. went for lunch at lido with brendan, janahan and paul... became high while walking to the bus stop with janahan to go back to sch for lit. hahah cos gonna watch spiderman after lit. =] talked on the busride back...hmm. yup..almost late for lit and me janahan and hadri rushed into the hall just in time. was ready to fall asleep while doing the paper but kept my eyes open and tried very hard to make sense of the poem. hahahhaa gosh i STILL can't believe my stupid prac crit! i read the poem like 4 times and its abt a healthy meal...then i was trying to like see whats the whole meaning of the poem and suddenly i got this interesting revelation that it was abt LIFE. like the first stanza's abt youth and how u got lotsa big dreams and stuff and then second is abt relationships then third is abt sex then fourth i couldnt think what was it so i just didnt write anything abt it then the last is abt death. and i thought i was ohsosmart for having come up with that theory. but guess what! after the test i found out that it was abt vegetarianism! waddehell! ahh i can't get over how dumb i am! haha! i was trying to crap and smoke my way thru and like, this part abt how dreams of cows are tossed lightly in garlic, i wrote that garlic was like fragrant like how your dreams are like so nice and ambitious and whatever but garlic has a strong unpleasant taste too which means you need to overcome hardships to achieve your dreams. hahahhahahaha oh man i feel damn dumb now. i bet ngeching is like laughing her head off when she's reading my essay. whats more it wasnt very well written language-wise cos my brain was shutting down. ahh!!!!!!! hahahahahaha ok sorry i'm going a bit mad.
then went back to town after the paper with janahan and clinton...clinton was so sweet. haha he wanted to buy hairties for his gf cos he noticed that the ones she had were like broken and stuff. aww. janahan and i chose some colours for him and he finally settled on getting one of every colour. =] and i bought a pretty white glittery hairband which janahan highly disapproves of cos he thinks it looks too partyish haha. its like janelle's...i like. =] hmm then after that clinton left and i walked arnd with janahan till xingzhe came. watched spiderman. i think peterparker looks kinda tooty but he's so sweet and spiderman's damn cool. sat arnd at the curb outside my house with him and talked awhile...till i got a little screwed by my mum. but now things look peachier. =]
..posted at 10:02 AM
Thursday, July 01, 2004
ONE MORE DAY OF CTs!!! which means two papers left...math and litpaper8. out of which litpaper8 is slackable and rather relaxing to do so woohoo!!! uni's quite a happy girl now. =] although the previous papers werent very well done bleah. history...not too bad but didnt finish my intl hist essay. ergh. econs was just BAD. drq was terrible and didnt finish my essay AGAIN. not to mention the mindboggling mcq which i concentrated so much on and got a headache, felt claustrophobic and nauseous in the end. AND i still got only 13/20. GRRSH! yesterday's lit...didnt read silasmarner nor othello to the end so just smoked my way thru. rather relaxing paper though...=]
DAMMIT the new ct just called me and reminded me that i have to go for syf opening ceremony on saturday! ARGH!!! I DONT WANT!!!!!! then i can't watch spiderman!!!!! SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am damn pissed.
ben- i love my benjipenji! hahahhaa
janahan- been studying with you throughout the cts...without you, i wont know that burma was the leading rice exporter or any other history stuff...or econs, or lit (motive hunting driven by a motiveless malignity) hahaa. thanks for helping me throughout, and making me feel better abt a lotta stuff. i am bound to thee forever. hahaha. hugs.
kaiting- and when i love thee not, chaos is come again. =]
joel- cheer up and take care...-bighug- wanna see you smile again. =]
